Colossians 3:19 — Love Without Bitterness

18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is proper in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your own wives and be not bitter toward them.

After addressing the wife, Paul turns to the husband. Strikingly, he does not instruct the husband to lead. That is evidently assumed. His instruction is: “Love your wives.” The love (Gr. agapé) to which he is called is unconditional and does not depend on his wife’s attractiveness, character, or merits. He loves her because she is his wife. This love is not a feeling that comes and goes, but a settled certainty.

That is why Paul adds: “be not bitter toward them.” A man who takes the lead within marriage might be tempted to abuse his position. Harshness, a hurtful attitude, or condescending conduct, however, are incompatible with the love spoken of here. A man who loves his wife will not dominate her, but serve and protect her.

Here, too, the appeal of verse 17 resounds. One who has come to know the love of Christ is able to reflect that love as well. A grateful husband will gladly show this love to his wife. Then there is no place for bitterness.

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